To Be Witnessed in the Depths of Pain

At the close of 2024, my body began to send me messages that I could no longer ignore. It was clear that I had been neglecting my physical, emotional, and mental well-being. I had fallen back into old habits—the hustle culture, always working hard, putting others first, and showing up for everyone except myself.

The phrases "the body remembers all" and "the body keeps the score" have never resonated more deeply than they do now. My body was reminding me that the years of pushing myself too hard had caught up with me.

By Christmas Day 2024, I finally stopped. I stopped the never-ending cycle of hustling and started listening to my body. What I discovered was eye-opening and painful: inflammation had taken over my entire body, a direct result of the high-stress lifestyle I had been living. This stress had led to elevated cortisol levels and, in turn, stress-induced GERD, which almost landed me in the hospital twice.

The pain was overwhelming. It hurt to stand. It hurt to walk. It hurt to sit. If I stayed in one position for more than 30 minutes, I knew I would be in excruciating pain when I got up. It felt like my body was shutting down, and in many ways, it probably was.

To heal, I began working with one of my clients, an integrative doctor. Together, we've created a plan that’s been helping me immensely. All my symptoms have significantly improved, and I am starting to feel more like myself again.

But even with the physical healing, there was an emotional and mental journey to navigate. During this time, I was participating in a Somatic Therapy Training call with my Innerloom Training cohort. I had been wanting to share my struggles with the women in the group, but when the moment came, I found myself unable to speak. A wave of shame and embarrassment washed over me, and before I knew it, I was in tears. I turned off my camera and mic, fled to my bedroom, and allowed myself to have an intense emotional release.

When I gathered myself and returned to the call, my intention was to apologise for disappearing without warning. But when I rejoined, I was met with a powerful silence. The women on the call had been holding the space for me, their energy still strong in the container, waiting for me to return when I was ready.

Being witnessed in my deepest pain—my guilt, sadness, and shame—by these incredible women was healing in a way I never anticipated. As a strong, independent woman, I had always found it easier to connect with men than with women. I didn’t think I truly belonged in a circle of women until that moment. It was then that I felt the unconditional support of a sisterhood, something I had never experienced before.

That moment of true witnessing by these women continues to resonate within me. It has become a cherished experience that will forever live in my body, reminding me that I am supported by women in ways I never imagined.

As I reflect on that experience, weeks later, it fills me with a sensation of safety and bubbles of joy. It was a powerful reminder that, when we allow ourselves to be truly seen, healing can take place in the most profound and unexpected ways.